everythinggoodisgone.com

20.10.02

there's something really lovely about the weekend. not just for being able to go out & get blotto & then sleep all day, although that is quite nice - it's the way that the "weekend" is an enforced period of rest - there is a psychological imperative to DO NOTHING, or as little as possible, with the knowledge that once Monday arrives, you'll be waking up and going to work & doing _stuff_ non-stop for another five days. the time to clean your apartment [& wash windows that are covered in probably years of grime], to sleep in, have tea & toast for breakfast in front of the PBR Bull-riding championship on CBS, to know there is nothing that i simply _must_ do today. goodness, that's a relief. it's an elimination of pressure...as long as i stay in my house, i spend no money. and there is just so much to do here, but with no necessity - i can clean, or not. i can read, or not. i can write, or not. i can drink tea and stare off into space while listening to weirdo "technoclash" music in direct response to the hispanic samba or whatever it is that has been blaring incessantly from my neighbors' stereo all weekend. i can look out my window [through the protective grate] at the spectacular light shining on the northside.


when you're doing nothing because there is nothing to do, it is boring, frustrating, & generally irritating. when instead you are doing nothing because you feel like doing nothing, it is instead some sort of *sigh* and relaxing wonderful experience. this is similar to that "alone v. lonely" feeling, or the "anxiety v. excitement" one. rather - circumstance & one's own frame of mind do in fact affect so greatly how you feel about your life &/or what's happening in it, as well as how much control you feel over those things... yes i know preaching the obvious to the converted masses. but nonetheless, we forget these little things until we're sitting at home genuinely "relaxed" on a sunday afternoon, when we have the time & the space to reflect thoughtfully on our lives in general, and the last week in particular - & then again the thoughts appear, & you say to yourself: "yes that is in fact a truism, though it may not be very profound." and isn't it nice to remember that the most truthful things are, more often than not, the least profound & hence the most - like some sort of attempt at buddhist simplicity - sitting in a forest can be frightening, but if you begin to think of what it is you are afraid, suddenly it has instead become a place of peaceful reflection.

[.................................................]